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Cleansed In Dirt (Double J Remix)

from Mileage: Retuned by Grades Of Absolute Truth

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about

Justin and I have been friends since junior high. We've seen each other embark on multiple musical ventures and collaborated a few times, but have never released anything. I reached out to him for this 'cause I knew he would craft something special for it and, without a doubt, he did.

lyrics

CLEANSED IN DIRT

CHORUS TEASER
trust me…I wanna be free,
but I haven’t…quite…figured out how to be
trust me…I wanna be free,
but I haven’t…quite…figured out how to be

VERSE I
I’ve tried…to see…the world the way you see it
there’s a big ball of guilt – there’s a big ball of guilt
but vertigo leaves my vision blurred and tainted
there’s a big ball of guilt built – there’s a big ball of guilt built
…I thrive on obsession – it is no secret
there’s a big ball of guilt built up – there’s a big ball of guilt built up
while my imbalance leaves my head full, but I’m still speechless
there’s a big ball of guilt built up in – there’s a big ball of guilt built up in
…these addictive manic episodes’ll be the death of me
there’s a big ball of guilt built up in my – there’s a big ball of guilt built up in my
like a fiend I’m needing, like a fiend I’m needing, like a fiend I’m needing the needle of negativity
there’s a big ball of guilt built up in my chest - there’s a big ball of guilt built up in my chest

VERSE II
I’ve tried to kill it with pills, I’ve tried to drown it by drinkin’
both of those routes failed, what the hell was a thinkin’
I’m an educated man – I know it hurts
when you try to flirt with the pain, but instead, you make it worse
main course was depression cleansed in dirt
hesitate for a second – have remorse for dessert
don’t forget about…that appetizer of guilt
that started this mess – a past filled with filth
and I’ve begged for forgiveness to diminish my sins
and I’ve pledged to have my blemishes be finished within,
but that don’t erase the places I know I have been
at the end of an amazing graceful race, I’ll find
myself there again, interrogating friends
with a pad and a pen and a bottle of gin,
which is my next of kin, taking it on the chin
knowing I can’t, but pretending I can win
I give in…I think they call that compromising
a trend in relationships – I call it lying
make-believing you’re happy with your life,
but inside…you’re on a steady decline
not too below the surface, you’re runnin’ behind
chasin’ truth like it’s an object that YOU have designed
in a mind-numbing project, your roots are alive
with Robert Johnson in the deck, the blues have revived
something that you love…from something that you hate
debate it all you want…I know that it’s fake
an illusion of a memory you didn’t enjoy
now that it’s in the past, you wanna play with it like a toy
never happy in the moment, but remembering it as perfect
the very thought of it…makes me shaky, anxious, and nervous
…the conclusion I’ve come to
it’s better to fake happiness than to try to resolve your issues
…so instead of being an actor with surprises,
…I’ve become a master of disguises
Fade Out…so instead of being an actor with surprises,
…I’ve become a master of disguises
…so instead of being an actor with surprises,
…I’ve become a master of disguises
…so instead of being an actor with surprises,
…I’ve become a master of disguises
…so instead of being an actor with surprises,
…I’ve become a master of disguises

CHORUS
there’s a deep dark part of me that’s been buried in a hole
Lord knows that I’ve tried to let it go
the more I try to repress, the more it tries to progress
the less attention I give it, the more it grows
there’s a big ball of guilt built up in my chest
there’s a big ball of guilt built up in my chest
there’s a big ball of guilt built up in my chest
there’s a big ball of guilt built up in my chest
trust me…I wanna be free,
but I haven’t…quite…figured out how to be
there’s a deep dark part of me that’s been buried in a hole
Lord knows that I’ve tried to let it go
trust me…I wanna be free,
but I haven’t…quite…figured out how to be
the more I try to repress, the more it tries to progress
the less attention I give it, the more it grows

credits

from Mileage: Retuned, released January 4, 2011
Vocals Written & Performed by GOAT
Music Written & Performed by Justin "Double J" Jones

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